i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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