how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
