I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
vagina is talking i cant
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
