i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
