her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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