Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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