Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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