dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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