hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize