Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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