Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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