Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
