I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
