Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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