do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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