my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
