Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to sanitize my soul.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
