hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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