my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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