Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
