i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
