im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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