how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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