someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
