dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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