Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
