i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
