I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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