Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
