I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
