At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
