I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
