I only kidnapped one of them. chill
no, he came in my armpit
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
