i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
