like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How's work?
Spinning.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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