i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think we might need a safe word for this...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
