YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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