My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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