Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
