Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
