i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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