so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
