It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
