I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
