How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
