so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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