I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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