what day is it and did you see me today?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize