if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to sanitize my soul.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
