No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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