I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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