Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
