dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
