Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
