dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
