It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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