I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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