Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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