Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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