First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
