he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
