My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
