Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
