ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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