I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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