whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
