Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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