trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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